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Thursday, September 6, 2007

Part 1:
Japanese tourist hail a taxi at Orchard Rd & asked the taxi-driverto send him to Changi Airport.On the way, a car zoomed by, the Japanese tourist responded 'Ohhhhhhh ! TOYOTA ! Made in Japan ! Very fast !'.Then another car zipped by, he said 'Ohhhhhhh ! NISSAN ! Made inJapan ! Very fast !'& another speed by, he said' Ohhhhhhhh! Mitsubishi! Made in Japan ! Very fast !' At the meantime, the taxi-driver is getting very frustrated & sick ofthe Japanese tourist.Upon reaching Changi Airport, he said '$50 please!'The Japanese tourist was shocked & argued' Why soexpensive? it's only a short distance'in which the Taxi-driver replied 'Ohhhhhhhh ! Taxi-meter! Made in Japan ! Very fast !'

Part 2:
All about Ah Beng
(Act 1)Ah beng to a long-distance telephone operator :'COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME THE TIME DIFFERENCE BETWEEN Singapore AND LAS VEGAS?'Operator: 'JUST A MINUTE...'
Ah beng: 'THANK YOU,' AND PUTS DOWN THE PHONE.

(Act 2)At a bar in New York, the man to Ah beng's left tells thebartender,'JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE.' and his companion says,
'JACK DANIELS, SINGLE.'The bartender approaches Ah beng and asks, 'AND YOU,SIR?' Ah beng replies: 'Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED.'

(Act 3)After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quitesometime, Ah beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend. 'It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT,' Ah beng brags. 'FIVE MONTHS? THAT'S TOO LONG.' the friend exclaims.'YOU ARE A FOOL'.Ah beng replies, 'SEE THIS BOX, IT IS WRITTEN FOR 4-7 YRS.'.

(Act 4) Ah Beng took part in the Singapore Manhunt Competition. During the Q&A segment, the host asks, 'Name a drink that begins with the letter 'G'.' The crowd shouts,'Gin! Gin!'. Others exclaim, 'No, its Grape Juice!' Another smart aleck yells, 'Alamak, Gatorade!' Host : 'Quiet please.' Ah Beng laughs hysterically like a hyena before replying, 'C'mon man, you think I need their help? I got more oliginal answer : 'Gu ni!'(cow milk in hokkien)

(Act 5) One day in a language school in Australia. Teacher : All right, now I'd like you to make a sentence using thewords GREEN, PINK and YELLOW. Who'd like to try ? A student raised his hand. It was Kukoya from Japan. Kukoya : Early this morning, I looked out the window, I saw theGREEN grass and PINK roses in the garden. I went outside and I feel the warm YELLOW sunlight around me Teacher : Not bad. Okay, who's next? Another student raised his hand. It was Ah Beng from Singapore. Ah Beng : I try! I try. Can aaah? Teacher : No, no, no..., not you Ah Beng : Aaaiiyaaa... let me try lah... I can do lah... you think
I'm stupid meeh..?Teacher : Okay, okay.. go ahead Ah Beng : This morning I heard the phone GREEEEEN...GREEEEEN... I PINK up and I said YELOOOOW?'

(Act 6) Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it when he encountered some problems. He decide to use the 'Help' command after some tries. Soon after, he become very irritated and called the computer retailer for support. Ah Beng : 'I pressed the 'F1' key for help... but it's been over half an hour & still nobody has come to help me....

(Act 7) In an English class:Teacher: 'Class, do you know the meaning of parents?'Ah Beng: 'Yes, teacher, it means father and mother' Teacher: 'Good. Can you give me an example?' Ah Beng: 'Sure. Cowboy's parents means cowboy'sfather and mother. Also can say Cowboy's father is Cow Pay (father) &Cowboy's mother is Cow Boo (mother).So together we say Cow Pay Cow Boo (KPKB)' (Make hell lot of fuss in Hokkien dialect.) The teacher fainted.

(Act 8) Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, 'I was ironing a shirt and the phone ringlor - but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear. So kena (got it in Malay) lor!' 'Oh Dear!' the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. 'But.. what happened to the other ear?' 'That stoopid dumbo called back!'

(Act 9) Why did Ah Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends? Because below 18 was not allowed.

(Act 10) Ah Beng went to a Bank in one district at New York. He wanted to place his deposit, when he met a customer service there then asked interest rate : 'How much is the flower in this Bank, madame' Customer service : ....??!!
(Act 11) One evening, Ah Beng and Ah Seng went to a lounge and requested the DJ to play the song 'Ah Cheng Buey Lo Ti' (Means : AhCheng buys bread in Hokkien). The DJ told them they only played English songs and asked them torequest another song.They were upset and complained to the manager that theDJ was insulting them. After many hours of calming them down, the manager found out they were actually requesting the Righteous Brothers' song,'Unchained Melody'.

(Act 12) Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to show it to her.So there Ah Beng was, telling and bragging the various functions of his new car to his girlfriend. 'This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!' 'Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!' said Ah Lian. 'Somemore hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!' So Ah Lian said, 'Let me try! I wan, I wan!' So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and flooredthe accelerator.The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the lamp-post. 'Alamak! What are u doing?!!! U Siao Char Bo! U see lah!!! Wah Piang eh!' screamed Ah Beng. 'Solee, solee, pai sah lah! No lah, I tot hor, 'R' for racing mah!'*

(Act 13) One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20thstorey of a building and wanted to get down to the ground floor.As they looked at the dial, they could see the number 20 down tonumber 2. It was then followed by a G.As they were not English-educated, they were puzzled and really had no idea what does the letter G mean.Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit G.When they finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was so impressed and asked the first Ah Lian, 'Wow, how you know one?' The first Ah Lian reply smugly, 'Easy lah.. G for Gero mah...'

Let the good times roll.........

Part 3:
Q1) Ah Mei's dad has 7 wives. The 5th and 7th are Africans. Guess Chinese idiom.
A1) Wu Qi Ma Hei

Q2) There's a party in the forest. Who didn't get to eat the cake!?!
A2) GRASS because Cao Mei Dan Gao

Q3) Ah bao was murdered! However, the police quickly found the killer. Who was it?
A3) Ah Dou because Dou Sha Bao

Q4) Xiao Bai and Da Bai are bros. As Xiao Bai grows older, he looks more and more like his bro. Guess a Chinese idiom.
A4) Zhen Xiang Da Bai

Q5) Osama, Bush , Blair and Saddam play mahjong. Who will win first ??
A5) Saddam Hussein because Saddam Hu Xian

Q6) What's the panda's 2 biggest wishes?
A6) i. Get rid of dark eyes ring
ii.Taking colour photo

Q7) Who will pick up the dumpling (ba zhang) on thefloor ?
A7) Xiang Long because Xiang Long Shi Ba Zhang

Q8) There are 3 Male and 1 Female pencils in a box. The Female pencil got pregnant!! Which Male pencil is responsible?
A8) The one without the rubber

Q9) Xiao Ming drinks milk to grow up. What does Da Ming drink?
A9) Alcohol because Jiu Yang Da Ming

Q10) Which brand of shampoo is the wealthiest?
A10) "Lux" Super Rich

Q11) What did Batman say when he fell down?
A11) Painful Sia... (Bian fu sia)

Thats all for the dae hope it brighten u up=]]]

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THANKSS BYE SEE YOU AGAIIN =]]] @ 08:37